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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Nov 12th, 2001
FAll of us know someone who was influenced into their current job by a
parent, spouse, or whoever. These people appear happy on the outside,
but it's all just an act.they'd rather be doing something else. I think
this applies to a few wrestlers, most notably Steve Austin. Steve would
rather be a lounge singer or one of those guys that goes to a local bar
every single Wednesday, not for the 5 cent chicken wings, but because
Wednesday is Karaoke night.
Jeff Hardy is another example. His true calling in life would be a
circus clown, (or a "Mary Kay Cosmetics" rep), but his brother convinced
him that they should both be wrestlers, instead.
Moving on, this week's FuckWad Award is presented to Book-less T for
interfering in Taker's match. Along with his award, Booker also gets an
Elementary school History textbook (with a cheesy title like "Paths and
Pathfinders") so he can read about Christopher Columbus and then read
about the Pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving. If you didn't watch "The
Weakest Link" before RAW on Monday night, this won't make any sense to
you so stop reading this paragraph and continue with the next one below.
I never really watched that show before and now I know why. Most of the
questions could be answered by anybody, even the village idiot (we all
have one of those.he's the guy with the Austin t-shirt, suspenders, and
a huge beer gut). The host, Anne, gives a new meaning to "chronic PMS",
but she never raises her voice and just talks in a clipped monotone
(zzzzzz). Big Show missed a question about the 1960's show "Mr. Ed"
(*hissss*). Steph looked fat and white-trashy (as usual) and proved to
viewers that she's as smart as the wife of the village idiot (we all
have one of those, too: she's the 400 pound woman in the lime-green
stretch pants that thinks "Grease" was the best movie ever made) The
rest of them weren't exactly stellar either, but Regal and HHH did
pretty well. Some people might say, "They were nervous! They were in
front of a live audience." Well, duh..aren't they always?
I'd like to see a show called The *missing* Link with hosts that look
like cavemen. It could star Rhyno and Sara.
Getting back to RAW, I saw a sign that read: "_________ loves taters."
(I couldn't make out the first word) Carl wants to know if them's French
frah'd taters, mmmmm hmmmmmm.
As ususal, JR gets a mini-wad for comments made during the Angle/Edge
match: "Ankle's angle is in a Kane-lock by Kurt.uh..Kurt's running away
like a scalded dog! He's running like a scalded dog!!" My dog takes
exception to that comment and so do I. Why not a scalded cat?
I was glad to see Edge win the "You Ass" belt, only because he took it
from Kurt. Kurt gets an award for the projectile vomit that spewed from
his mouth as he backed into Kane. Was I the only one who saw that? It
pisses me off to see Tommy Dreamer portrayed as such a putz, too. When
I tell people who never saw ECW about what big stars Dreamer and Tazz
were, they look at me like I'm making it up.
Jeff Hardy gets an award for his costume (complete with matching hair).
Matt looked pretty silly too with the checkerboard shirt.
Getting back to Tazz, did anyone think he'd actually beat Austin? What
a joke. Porky McHam interrupted the match to call "singin' Steve" to
the back for a special meeting. I wonder if Shane left anything behind
at the buffet table, besides crumbs? He's the kind of guy I hate to
follow through one of those "all-you-can-eat" lines. Just when I see
something I'll eat, his type takes not one, not two, but several
spoonfuls, leaving me with an empty serving dish.
The Taker video was great, but I'm confused. Was it a much deserved
tribute to him, or was it a plug for "It's My Yard"? Good choice of
music, too.
Much as I can't stand Steph, I guess she did a *good* thing by firing
the overweight Billy Gunn look-a-like and his buddy, GayRearO. Is that
a relation to Ed-DUI? Steph still gets an award for taking up air time
and screeching her way through a pointless segment. Shane had to get in
there and "hog" some tv time, too (oink oink)
When Albert pulled Stacy's pants down, my first thought was, why
couldn't he pull Taker's pants down instead? JR said, "That should get a
rise out of everybody." Maybe JR needs to get out more.The only good
thing about this match was hearing Heyman refer to the "worm" as the
*slug*. Heh
Jericho is sick of the people's eyebrow, the people's elbow, and the
people's people. He's also sick of Vinnie's beady eyes, sagging neck,
and plastic hair. He's sick of my comments about his tinfoil shirt, too.
Notice he doesn't wear it anymore?
I thought the Hardcore match would be good, but thanks to Booker, it was
cut short. We didn't even get to see them battle their way into the
back of the arena and outside. Think about this: when RVD climbed up
onto the Titantron, someone nearby should've yelled out an anti-Sara
comment. Taker would've whipped around and yelled, "Who said that?"
just as RVD jumped off expecting to be caught by the UT-safety-net.
Instead, he would've connected face-first with the ramp. Ouch.
Right after this match, I took my dog out and ran into his neighbor
dog-buddies. By the time I went back in, I didn't feel like watching
anymore, but I did catch the end with Austin and Rock, and I agree with
what so many other people have already said about it: It was just
something to fill up the rest of the show with. Who in their right mind
wants to see either of them sing, especially Austin?
I still think Vince will be the last man standing for team-WWF at
Survivor Series. I heard Big Show would take his place, but somehow
that'll all change, Wait and see...
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of everyone who's ever interfered in
a Taker match, which would eliminate...everyone)