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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Nov 26th, 2001
Once again, as ass shows his ass and a boob comments on boobs. Some
things never change. Vince must have an 11 year old son that he keeps
hidden from the public. The kid is obviously writing the scripts: we
have men pissing on each other and an old man with an ego the size of a
Third World country pulling down his pants and exposing himself. It
wasn't that long ago that Vince cut a promo in the ring saying that "we
won't insult the fans' intelligence." Well, Vince, I hate to point out
the obvious to you, but the only people who are entertained with your
latest actions are little kids and feeble-minded adults. May I also
point out that *neither* of these groups has any money to spend on your
merchandise, ppv's, or tickets to your shows. So where does that leave
you? For the first time in my life, if someone asks me if I watch
wrestling, I'll lie and say "no".
This week's column is full of unanswerable questions:
1) Why does Vince dye his hair for some shows, but not for others?
2) Why is Flair's hair so greasy and disgusting? I thought only
Mideon had an aversion to shampoo.
3) Why do side-views of Vince and Flair remind me of buzzards?
4) How long will it be till Stacy gets implants? I'm sure her
family is so proud of her "career in wrestling." (snort)
5) Why is Angle proud to be a graduate of Clarion University?
Clarion's zipcode is EIEIO and it's near the other huge cities of
Fryburg and Vowinkle.
6) Why does Flair lisp when he talks? Chyna-syndrome or loose
dentures?
7) Why does Jeff Hardy use the same blue hair dye that old ladies
use and why does he show us his anorexic chest? Maybe with Shane gone,
Jeff can get more than just crumbs at the pre-show buffet.
8) Why is RVD so flexible?
9) Why do we see the same matches all the time?
10) Why didn't Stacy stomp on Trish's head with her size 12 platform
boot? It's not like any brains would splatter in the ring.
11) Why are certain signs being confiscated from the audience? Does
that mean we won't ever see anymore "Ruck the Fock" signs?
12) Was Rock telling the truth? Does Vince really want deer antlers
shoved up his ass? Someone here got a 14-point on Monday. Maybe for
the right price, he'll sell that rack to Vince and give *me* a cut too.
13) Why did Jericho wear his K-Mart "New Year's Eve" shirt? You'd
think he'd be saving that for December 31st.
14) Jericho said he's become "larger then life." Why is he suffering
from Shaneitis?
15) JR said his daughters were in the audience. Why weren't they
shown on camera? It's good to know that some people don't feel they're
entitled to be on tv, just because a family member is. I guess nepotism
isn't as widespread in the WWF as I thought it was.
16) Why doesn't Lawler mark out over Scotty anymore? Is it because
the little worm is no longer partnered with Lawler's son?
17) Why is Booker T back already(and where was Mr. T)?
18) Why did Vince insult Taker with the line, "You and me are a lot
alike." Does that mean Taker will be pulling his pants down in the ring
every week?
19) I haven't seen Debra on tv in a long time. Wherever she is, can
her husband join her?
20) Did any of you ever think you'd see the day when we'd hear Taker
say, "Vince, pull down your pants."
Well, the WWF has now shown us snot, shit, piss, barf, bare tits, and
bare ass. I'm almost afraid to tune in next week.
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of all things disgusting - but then
there'd be no Wrestling World.)