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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Feb 11th, 2002
2-11-02 RAW
Raw is Dog Olympics
This is the first time ever that I had a choice between RAW, the
Westminster Dog Show, and the Winter Olympics, so I watched them all. I
got hella confused trying to watch 3 things at once. Joe Garagiola (who
don't know Shit from Shinola) sounds just like Lawler, with his constant
babbling and lame attempts at humor. Like Lawler, Joe gets really
excited seeing bitches in the ring, but he prefers the ones with 4 legs.
Every year, I want to see a *real* dog win but it never happens. The
winners are always alternative-lifestyle dogs. It's like comparing
Taker or Bradshaw (i.e. *real men*) to Jeff Hardy or Michael Cole (i.e.
*what's my gender?*)
If you haven't already seen my new and improved archive page, check it
out. And credit Sabretooth for the great picture!
The FuckWad of the Week Award is presented to:
Say-N-Spell Steve Austin
He spelled "disrespect" and "why" and spelled both words
correctly.
Let's ask him to spell "alcoholic."
"What? Could you use that in a sentence?"
Steve Austin is an alcoholic.
"Ah can't spell it - mah liver's all twisted up!"
Can you spell "cirrhosis", Steve?
I think we should market Say-N-Spell Steve with Saliva String Steph, our
other "big" winner this week.
Her udders were falling out of her dress and her lumpy hairstyle matched
her lumpy body. And let's not forget the valuable airtime she used up,
which could have gone to.an actual wrestler, maybe? The saliva string
in her mouth was a nice touch at the end of the show, especially blown
up 100 times on the Magnify-Tron. Does this mean she'll go away now?
"Fat" chance...
Other, smaller, but no less important Wads to:
a) Ric-Mr. 50%-Flair: For interrupting Taker in the ring just so
*he* could lisp and mumble his way through a few sentences that nobody
gives a shit about.
b) The "New World Odor": Like all of you, I'm just counting the
days till these megatalents appear on my tv. (snort)
c) JerkOffCo: It's not like he doesn't get enough tv-time. Did
he have to interfere in the UT/Austin match and do things that Taker
should've done? (Like smack Austin in the head with beer cans and the
cooler)
d) The vocalists at the beginning of the "wedding.": Who the fuck
were they, anyway? They weren't the same 2 that sang at Steph's last
wedding, but they were equally bad.
Stuff that didn't suck:
1) Taker's opening monologue
2) Using his "bib" to choke out Austin early in their match
3) The Rescue Dog Tribute (except for Glenn Close's singing). You
didn't *really* expect me to watch all 2 hours of RAW, did you?
Signs:
"E.T. vs The Rock"
Sara's back? And she's in a match with Rock? That should make all 3 of
her fans happy!
"You Suck, Undertaker"
I don't agree with the sentiment, but I *do* agree with that person's
right to hold up that sign, or any sign that's anti-"_________"
(insert any wrestler's name there). I think it's wrong for the WWF to
censor any signs like that. Isn't that what WCW used to do?
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of saliva strings and spelling bees)