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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Apr 1st, 2002
(Mr. T's favorite day: April Foo's Day)
Monday wrestling now has an ugly new look, crappy new music, and a
strange video with women in bizarre poses (or was that just Jeff Hardy?)
Wad-worthy "wecipients" include the following:
a) Booker T: When Chuck-n-Billy went to Smackdown, why didn't
their costume material go with them? I guess Booker likes to wear
hot-pink vinyl panties (and I guess his fan base of gay men is growing
by leaps and bounds)
b) Eddie GayRearO: I see he's still 'roided up. If the WWF has a
new policy to rehire guys with substance abuse problems, why can't they
rehire Road Dogg? If they did, he wouldn't have to worry about selling
himself on e-bay anymore.
c) Vince: He just can't stay away from RAW, can he? Actually, I'm
glad he was there, or I wouldn't be able to make fun of him anymore.
d) Lawler: for sounding like a pre-teen girl at an N-Suck concert.
("Shriek! Squeal! Squawk!")
e) Big Shmo: for showing his true feelings for Vince, by carrying
him all the way up the ramp. Awwww, I didn't know he cared.
f) Nash: for his lame little kick to Bradshaw. These other big
guys can do a convincing kick, but Kevin-the-King-of-Krispy-Kremes can
barely lift his pudgy leg off the floor!
g) Flair: I see he *still* hasn't seen a dentist about adjusting
that bottom plate. I was surprised to find that he's bi-lingual. That's
right..the man was speaking Chy-nese when he said:"You've heard me thay
thith a thousand timeth."
h) Debra: We ain't seed her in a wall an Ah still cain't unnerstan
a wur she sez.
i) Raven: I'm glad to see him back in the ring, but the braids,
no eyebrows, and the white under-eye concealer are proof that he's under
the influence... of Jeff Hardy. Scary!
j) The cameraman who focused on the anti-Taker signs. He
should've also zoomed in on the anti-Austin signs, anti-HHH signs, etc.
k) 4-H: No double (or triple) coats? And only one shirt? I'm
shocked. He told Taker "I've got 15 pounds of *nose* that says you
can't beat my ass again." Uh-oh - I guess that means Sara will appear
at the ppv. Math time! If HHH's 5 pound nose and Sara's 10 pound nose
are both running, how many boxes of Kleenex will they need?
l) Jeff: for being a couple of weeks late in celebrating St.
Patrick's Day. Green hair is bad enough, but pigtails? Puhleeze...
m) Mr. Per-Fucked & Bonzo-the-dog-faced-Bossman: One word - Ugh
n) The bimbi match: I thought that was a good time to take my dog
outside, have a cigarette, unload the dishwasher, etc.
Seeing them earlier in the show with their matching bim-blonde hair and
horrible pink/silver lipstick was enough for me. I also missed the
Kane/X-Pac match. Boo-hoo..
o) Austin: I guess he kissed and made up with the WWF. So now JR
can go back to bellowing "Stunner!! Stunner!!"
p) JR: for his lame "Booger Red" comments. Lawler actually said
something that made sense when he pointed out that Taker doesn't have
*red* hair anymore. I still dink Pat Patterson should dake over as da
'nouncer, don' choo?
Good Stuff:
1) Spike beating Regal
2) BuhBuh juggling the oranges (and winning the HardCore belt)
3) Taker interrupting Flair; wearing the long leather coat;
telling the crowd to "say *what* if you sleep with your own sister";
and
especially that little moment of uncertainty when he tried to take off
his coat and hold onto the mic at the same time. It took him a minute,
but he finally put the mic into the other hand!
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of JR's comments, starting with "Booger
Red")