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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Apr 29th, 2002
RAW is 1-800-COLLECT and Taker makes a much better spokesman than
Carrotfuck. But what's with the hood? I know he's playing the part of
a menacing heel, but when he was told to "think hood", they meant
*act*
like a hood, not *wear* a hood.
Also, his wife (*cough*) needs to quit rolling in the sand long enough
to go to the drugstore and refill Taker's Allegra prescription. A
drippy, runny nose just doesn't mix with the tough-guy image.
A quick glance at the upside-down words on the edge of his hood had me
wondering what "Support Gonads" meant. A plea for better jock-straps,
maybe? Then I looked again and realized it said "nomads."
Ohhh.."Support Nomads." Aren't they the Arab guys that wander around
the desert with their camels?
I've got a red & yellow FuckWad Award for the red & yellow Hogan. Does
the color need adjusted on my tv, or is that *really* hot-pink, instead
of red?
1972 called and said they wanted their tye-dye back. Jimi called (from
the grave) too. He said he wants that lame-ass white mofo to quit using
"Voodoo Child" as his theme song. When he wrote it, he never imagined
it would be used like this!
I was hoping Taker would follow through with his threat when he said,
"Ah'm gonna beat yew down like the bitch yew are." I have one question
- if Taker rode down the ramp, why'd he walk back up? What happened to
his ride?
MiniWads to:
Jeff & Eddie: for opening the show. Seeing Mullet Man vs the North
Carolina vagina is *not* a good way to begin.
Austin: for his 20 minute Festival-of-What.
Flair: "I wath not going to thee you thtanding alone." If anybody
misses Chyna all they need to do is close their eyes when Flair
talkths.
Big Show: for doing promotional work in..India? Actually, it's a good
way for him to lose a few dozen pounds. I'm sure there's no pork rinds
or deep-fried bacon in that part of the world.
Bradshaw: for his interview with Yo-Querro-Taco-Terri. I like to look
at him but I wish he wouldn't talk. He should stick with talking about
mutual funds (or beer)
Stasiaaaak: I never realized how many similarities he shared with Perry
Saturn before. They're both planets, both hard to look at, and make no
sense when they talk.
Blecchhhhh Lesnar: Another one who's extremely hard on the eyes (and
his sidekick Paul is hard on the ears) The only person who could enjoy
being around those 2 is Helen Keller. (If she were alive, that is)
Aren't those Val Venis's old wrestling panties? And what the fuck is on
Brox back? A goat?
Bubba/Jazz: Good match/shitty outcome.
This week's mailbag contains one bizarre e-mail from "jabf." He/she/it
had this to say:
Hello,This is a very humorous game
This game is my first work.
You're the first player.
I expect you would like it.
Uh, I might like it if I knew what it was. A "sped" Haiku? I'm the
first player (and probably the last) I've got Doc Norton watching my
back and the good doctor declared this email "virus free". So if you're
reading this, jabf, send me more information. I like games, especially
puzzles and crack-the-code type stuff, but I'm stymied here.
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of leaking nostrils..)