|
|
Fuckwad of the Week Award: July 23th, 2001
This week's FuckWad Award is presented to Vince and his offspring, Porky
and Petunia. I'm sick of McMahons and I'm sick of seeing them on
every show, hogging the spotlight. I'm sick of Shane playing wrestler
with that over-fed body of his.(His theme song should be Jethro Tull's
"Fat Man") If he wasn't a McMahon, he'd be shipped down to O.V.W.
to lose weight. I'm sick of Steph playing "bad-ass" and I'm sick of her
ugly shoes that most women twice her age wouldn't wear. I'm sick
of her screechy voice and her fat ass. I'm sick of her too short
pants hems. Get ready for it....."Why don't your shoes have a party and
invite your pants down?" I'm sick of Vince pretending he's Big John
Stud and I'm sick of his growing collection of both male and female bimbi.
I'm also amazed at how much his face resembles the face of a Moray eel.....
I wish they'd take a lesson from Linda. She annoys me too, but at least she's not making a weekly pilgrimage down the ramp, mic in hand, to bore the shit out of any viewer with a brain. Well, enough about the McMahons. There's other wad-worthy people and here they are:
1) Steve AssStain: for his whining about Vince two-timing him with hugs to Kurt and phone calls to Rocky.
2) Mike (geek) Cole: for his non-existant announcing skills. Maybe he's suffering from Rossitis, repeating the same idiotic comments over and over. How many times did we hear "Matt Hardy knows what to do with a ladder"? Well, obviously, RVD knows what to do with a ladder too.
3) Edge: for his Mr. T reference. A few weeks ago, I mentioned Mr. T as a potential stalker for Sara (aka Wanda-the-ugly-woman)
Ah pities da foo who steals mah ideas! It's nice to know that Edge reads my column, but I still think he looks like a flounder with hair and teeth.
4) Lance/Albert match: aka how-many-men-will-fit-in-the-ring match. I can't believe it didn't collapse under all that weight. Once again, Vince keeps his wrestlers content (yeah, right) by putting them *all* on tv (at once). Michael (geek) Cole made another Rossish comment when he used the word "fragile" and pronounced it "fraj-eye-uhl".
5) Kanyon: Who IS this foo? "Who's better than Can-Yawn"? Who the fuck cares?
6) The Rhyno/Taker match: Well, once again, Leech-woman has to make an appearance and get into the ring. This ruined an otherwise good match, complete with a little rope-walking.
7) The people who are raving today about how good Sara was in the ring. Puhleeze....aren't you the *same* people who talk shit about Trish or Terri when they do the very same things? If Sara had no connection to Taker, what would you say about her "performance" then?
8) The cheesy acting after the above match. I didn't realize getting tapped on the back with a chair could lead to loss of consciousness. Is her fuckin brain in the middle of her back? Was anyone else reminded of the old Tom Petty video, "Last Dance for Mary Jane"?
9) Angle: for trying to con-"vince" McMahon that he needs a man.
10) Billy Bitchcakes and Shamu: It's nice to see them dating. Too bad they weren't getting along better.
11) The Bimbi match: The old one should be the poster child for too much sun exposure. In five more years, Trish will catch up to her. And why do they always look like they're snarling?
12) Angle again: He needs lessons from the Dudleys on the "correct" way to put someone through a table.
13) JR: for his usual end-of-show bellowing.
Good Stuff:
a) Rob Van Dam
b) No X-Pac
c) The Tajiri/Raven match
d) The APA corrupting Kurt with beer
e) Taker's chair shot to his wife (a little higher next time, big guy)
f) Jericho dissing Can-yawn
Cenny
(The wrestling world is currently without Goldberg and Goldust. Now if we could only get rid of Gold-digger....)