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Fuckwad of the Week Award: August 13th, 2001
8/13/01
RAWstin is a horrible two-hour suck-fest......
The Steve Austin Variety Show began with a special guest appearance of the entire IllEyeAnts (Their new cd comes out next week. It's called "Tired of taking a backseat to non-wrestlers")
They were followed by the star of the show, the recipient of dozens of FuckWad Awards (including this week's): Steve Austin!
Austin is this week's top award winner for many reasons:
1) His line, "I believe anybody can come out here and flap their gums." He proved his point quite well, with an impressive (!) display of gum-flapping.
2) His huge zit: Too many cookies, maybe? I noticed he kept the right side of his face away from the camera, but the red mountain was still as visible as the mountains outside my windows.
3) His denial about his hearing loss: "What? What? What?"
4) His humiliation of Tazz
5) Wasting the first quarter of the show. Well, it could always be worse...the time could've been filled with McMahons. Where's Vince? Battling the evil empire of the World Wildlife Federation?
Awww, too bad, Vinnie. Take that site down! Copyright infringement!
6) All those lame-ass backstage vignettes...there's so many other people who could use those 2 or 3 minutes, but Austin gets them all.
7) The way he made fun of the new guy's tattoo. If they hadn't said "Hurricane", I'd still be saying, "who the fuck is that guy?" Anyway, how can someone with a tex-too (a Texas themed tattoo) have the gall to make fun of anyone else's choice of ink?
Stephanie is first runner-up for FuckWad of the Week for these reasons:
1) Her "camo" dress would've looked tacky even on a size 6 woman, but it looked even worse on a size 16! Maybe she's going turkey hunting after the show?
2) 90% of Steph-related comments on the 'net are about her new tits. So I guess Jericho's comparison picture was for the other 10% who *might not have noticed*.
3) She wasted almost as much air time as Austin did
4) The money Vince wasted on the boob-job should have been spent on a voice coach.
Sara is the second runner-up for FuckWad of the Week for these reasons:
1) Why won't the UT/DDP feud just go away already? If and when it does, will Sara go away too?
2) The cage climbing was totally pointless, but I guess all five of her 300 pound fans were impressed because *they* couldn't climb a wire fence themselves...not even if there was a Krispy Kreme factory on theother side!
3) Poor Taker was already tired from all the physical exertion involved in the match (he did, after all, do most of the work) but he had to climb up there too (gasping for breath) just because *she* was up there. People who don't like him didn't see what he was doing throughout the match. They'll only see (and commment on) how he barely made it to the top of the cage.
4) Even though I don't like Kane, I'm starting to feel sorry for the guy. Instead of the camera focusing on what was happening in the cage, attention was drawn to the anorexic wanna-be "star" (gag) climbing the cage. Wouldn't it have been more effective to have DDP or Kanyon climb the cage, sit on top, and taunt Taker and Kane?
5) Now we know what to expect at the ppv, although she'll take it as tep further and fall down into the cage to "help" or to get "fake-injured" so the fake paramedics can come and cart her off.
What kind of person steals her spouse's thunder? *hissssss*
Well, that's the top 3 winners for this week. Miniwads to the following:
a) Hugh Morris: for looking and acting like a fat, greasy haired BillyGunn.
b) XPac: why is he on every fuckin' show? Unlike Sara, he's not using his husband to get on tv. Then again, hmmm....
c) Shawn Stasiak (aka Shawn StayInTheBack): Is the WWF so desperate to re-hire this clown? Then again, he might be useful. If he's still taping private conversations, maybe he could tape one with XPac, so we can finally learn just WHY he's on every ppv, every RAW, etc.
d) Test: for beating up on Molly. Is this what Shane had in mind when he said he'd make Test a big star?
e) The "shit on ECW" mentality displayed by the way most of the ECW talent is used. It made me sick to see Tommy Dreamer acting weak just to put Turd Dangle over.
f) Kurt Angle/Michael Cole backstage segment: The close-ups on their heads got me wondering, why is Angle's head huge compared to Cole's, but why are Cole's ears huge compared to Angle's? If they could just swap ears maybe...
g) Jeff Hardy: A guy whose clothes scream "gay" and who probably weighs 125 pounds is the new Hardcore champ? WTF?
h) The whole weight isue: Rhyno is announced as weighing 205 pounds. XPac (and Tajiri too) are announced as weighing 218 pounds. Can someone explain this to me?
Good Stuff:
1)Tajiri with his Yule-mist (green and red both!)
2) RVD: it's good to see at least *one* ECW guy getting ring time and not being made to look foolish, but it still doesn't excuse the way the rest of them are treated.
3) Jericho's insults ("A gore and a whore"/ "ManBeast and HoseBeast")
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of cage-climbers, unless they're *real* wrestlers)
Predictions for Summer "Sham":
1) The requisite XPac match (which he'll probably win)
2) A pointless bimbo match
3) Rock defeats Booker and Austin defeats Angle, leading to a Rock/Austin feud that'll go on till the next Wrestlemania.
4) Jeff Hardy and RVD will take more insane bumps
5) At least a half hour of McMahons, talking and hogging the spotlight
6) Steph in another ugly-ass size 16 (or maybe size 18) dress (complete with ugly size 12 shoes!)
7) Sara climbing the cage and jumping in to help her tired husband in the ring.
Sounds like yet another shitty ppv. Here's what the critics have to say about SummerSlam:
"Don't do dat dink! Save your tirty bucks." (Pat Patterson)
"ThummerThlam thucks." (Chyna)
"From where I sit, this should be the best ppv we've seen in a year!! Pound for pound, Steph is a heifer!" (Jim Ross)