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Fuckwad of the Week Award: August 6th, 2001
8/6/01
RAW is Really Awful Wardrobes
but, gosh, it was swell of Jeff Hardy to loan his favorite shirt to Debra!
This week's FuckWad award is presented to Booker T for his performance in "Booger Goes Hollywood."
They thought his name was Booger Man. Is he the new and improved Candy Man? So, instead of leaving a cryptic message that reads "Sweets to the Sweet", Booger Man's message will read "Snot to the Lot." Just think of the opportunities for career advancement! He can do the "Got Milk?" ads by asking "Got Snot?" Also, I never notithed hith lithp before latht night. He's been spending time with Chyna, no doubt.
Chyna: "Tho Booker...do you have a big thpot on Thummer Thlam?"
Booker: "At Thummer Thlam, I'll kick the people'th Thuka theveral timeth in hith candy ath!"
Come get your award, Sucka, and go back to Hollywood. Maybe both you and Chyna can become big thtars!
I was busy with other stuff last night and didn't start watching RAW till 10 minutes into the show. I heard there was a Kane/RVD match. Talk about mis-matched.....
Steph deserves a hugh PhuhQuad to go with her cow-sized tits. Does anyone besides me think she looks ridiculous? And wait 15 more years till she starts getting mammograms! Ah pities da technician. I think she's looking (and acting) more and more like Chyna. Vince must have a deal worked out with the plastic surgeon (Dr. Fay K. Chest): Buy two, get one free. I heard when Sara visited this doctor, they tried to attach a tail.
When the 2 apes came out with gifts, they weren't there to see Steph. They were really there to thank Sara. But you know how apes are....they made grunting sounds and hand gestures (kinda like 75% of the male population) and the backstage people thought they were looking for some talentless female whose name began with S and who stinks up the tv each week....oh well, an honest mistake, I guess.
Anyway, the apes were there to thank her for solving a little problem over at the local zoo. Seems the monkeys have been bored lately, and have been entertaining themselves by whacking off several times a day. PTC supporters are outraged and have threatened to boycot the zoo! But Sara donated several dozen of her pictures. The pictures were placed in various areas around the monkey house and that put an end to the problem....
Debra deserves a FuckWad not only for wearing Jay-eff's shur-ut, but also for lying and causing trouble for Lita.
I took my dog out during the Jackie/WCW bimbi match, but I was backin time to see X-Pac/Tajiri. Who booked that? The same person who booked the Kane/RVD match, I guess. Tajiri got the belt! X-Crap lost a match! Life is good....
Austin gets a FuckWad for his tantrum, for picking on a woman, and for out-lying Debra. He also deserves recognition for his comment to Lita: "We'll see who looks stupid tonight." You, perhaps?
Rhyno gets a mini-wad for interfering in Jericho's match. "Gore! Gore!" ("Clinton! Bush!")
Why did Jericho choose Angle as his partner? "Angle-choo! I choose you!" Angle gets a 'wad for his "Kurt" Shamrock move on Buh-Buh. I wish Ken would kome back so he and Kurt kould have a match together. They could have an "I'll snap your ankle. No! I'll snap YOUR ankle" match, complete with best crying face and firmest butt-tocks. Or...they could tag-team and be known as the Gay-K's!
Here's a mini-wad for Little Lance for his bizarre robotic voice and those Underoos he was wearing. Awww, how cute... Power Ranger underwear. There's competition for Reese's Pieces. They're called Lance's Pantses.
It was good to see Taker, but he needs to see a doctor about that hideous growth sprouting out of his back. That's odd...when he gets off his ride, the growth shifts from his back to his side. It also seems attracted to the camera.
Kane gets an award for whining about DDP and for being a tattle-tale. ("I'll show you where he has Sara's pictures!") We already know...they're in the monkey house. Taker began speaking in tongues as he said "Ah'm gonna beat that boy dowuhn."
Proof that he's returning to the darkside! (And remember, if you read it here, it's true)
I was silently thanking the camera-man for just having the 2 men in the shot, but then the little 3rd man weaseled his way back into the shot(*hisss*)
Taker told Kane to "taker" to the APA. I'll bet they were thrilled to see her. (Faarooq: "I'll be damned!")
I never thought I'd agree with JR, but he took the words right outtamah mouth when he said "This is sick!" Amen, brother.
Taker made a pilgrimage to The Shrine of the Anorexic, but not the Jeff Hardy one. (That one was off to the right and was created by Big Show...)
Undertaker studied a wedding picture of 2 blonde men and threw it aside in disgust. Relax, big guy, that only happens in Vermont.
Someone was heard chuckling in the background (can you blame them?)and then UT was attacked by a swarm of DDPs! Well, only 2 DDP's. But wait! One of the DDP's is really Kan-Kan-Yon.
Kane kame to help but was too late, as usual. I'd like to thank Bradshaw and Faarooq for preventing Sara from running out and "attacking" DDP and CanYawn. I guess this means SummerSlam=
UT&Kane vs DDP&Kanyon. (zzzzzz)
Matt Hardy deserves an award for wearing the sheer Freddy Kreuger shirt again. Remember, the Kreuger kollection is only available at fine department stores (right next to the Jerry Garcia neckties). Speaking of Freddy, even HE has nightmares about Sara.
The Rock/Shane McHam so-called street fight is deserving of a few wads. Fat Ass ("It's not about me") calls himself a gladiator? More like a billion dollar butt plug!
It must be annoying for a shirtless wrestler to fight into the crowd. All those different hands touching your back, and who knows if they just came from the bathroom and forgot to wash their hands? Ewww.
How many times will we see a guy in a garbage can rolling down the ramp? What is this, "JackAss"? Notice how Shane put his fat legs to good use by rolling the can. That's because his weight would've kept the can in one place. It's not a Shane-match without the "impressive"(urp) jump off the top turnbuckle and onto the cardboard table. (yawn)
I guess we now know 2 matches scheduled for SummerSlam. there'll be a Rock/Shane match now too.
JR deserves the last award for his end-of-show bellowing. He got a little confused and screamed: "The Rock! The Rook! Booker T!
The Book! The Bock! etc..."
Good Stuff
Uh...no Vince! And the Drowning Pool video advertising Summer Slam was good too. (But not good enough to make me order the ppv)
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of ugly clothes, and the people who wear them)