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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Sept 17th, 2001
I'm probably the only Undertaker fan who likes it when he opens the
show. This way, I only have to watch RAW for the first 15 minutes. I
realize I don't have to watch it at all (and I've almost reached that
point) but it's nice to have that weekly Taker sighting, even if the
match ends badly.
If the WCW roster ever gets their own separate show, I'll go back to
watching both RAW and Smackdown in their entirety. But until that
happens, I'll try to just catch the Taker parts and ignore the rest.
I didn't write a column last week, due to the terrorist attacks, and I
have very little to say this week, due to only watching the first match
last night. I guess we can assume that Taker (and Kane) will defeat the
greasy-haired "twins", Kronic, at the ppv. I would also assume that
Angle will defeat Austin, but in a way that allows Austin to keep the
belt. And of course, it wouldn't be a ppv without an X-Pac match (ugh).
I won't be getting it, but I'll read the results to see if my 3
predictions came true. I can't make any more, because I don't know what
other matches are scheduled.
A few days ago, I received an "in-too-lek-shoo-al" email from someone
named Dina, who will more than likely email me again to point out that
"yu dint even spell intoolekshooal right U need a dikshunary
neway!!!!!!!"
She has a real fondness for "neway" as you'll see below:
_________________________________________________________________
From: Dina B_ _ _ _ _ Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2001 3:55 PM
To: egzakto@charter.net
Subject: Jericho rulez
Listen bitch!!!!!
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Talking to yourself on-line? Tsk, tsk.
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Jericho is the best.
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The best *what*?
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I have seen Jericho and Undertaker
team up on many occasions and personally I think that they get on well.
Now
granted, I like the Undertaker too but Kane and The Undertaker are on
very
good terms now so are you gonna say mean things about them now?
Jericho
doesn't have hair like that nemore
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What's a "nemore"?? Ok, so he doesn't have hair like a *nemore*. Does
he have hair like a wombat?
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and he doesn't skip to the ring.
He does
not look like a 12 year old
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So then why do YOU like him?
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and what gives you the right to talk about other
wrestlers like that neway?
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There's that "neway" again! Is he a new wrestler? Never heard of
him.... Is it possible that you're trying to say "a-n-y-w-a-y"? Ever
hear of a d-i-c-t-i-o-n-a-r-y?
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NOTHING!!!!
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Yep, that's what we'd find if we took a look inside your head.
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so take you cheap shit and shut up!!
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Uh-oh, now she's using Ebonics on me!
I don't shop at your favorite stores (WalMart, K-Mart, Target, Dollar
General, etc.) so I don't *have* any "cheap shit". You're right though,
if I *did* have any cheap shit, I'd certainly shut it up in a box in the
attic, or better yet, donate it to Goodwill so someone like *you* could
buy it.
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What kind of a fuckin' name is Cenny neway?
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There's that damn "neway" again......
I might ask you the same about *your* name. As far as I know, there's
no song about my name, but there *is* one about your name. Now let's
all sing "I've been working on the railroad"......
Thank you for this letter. I haven't been able to laugh since before
the terrorist attacks, so this letter was a welcome diversion. I'll be
sure to put it in next week's column, since I'm sure that many other
people could use a laugh right now.
Warmest regards,
Cenny
Part 2:
When I get a hate-mail, and write back, I don't hear from that person
again. But Dina was obviously bored, maybe because of the banjo player
in her kitchen. Personally, I'd be thrilled to have someone in the
kitchen with *me*, especially if they cooked, cleaned up, AND played the
banjo! Unfortunately, the lyrics to "I've been working on the railroad"
do *not* contain the words "someone's in the kitchen with Cenny" =(
-----Original Message---------
From: Dina B _ _ _ _Sent: Saturday, September 15, 2001 5:00 PM
To: egzakto@charter.net
Subject: RE: Jericho
Do whatever you like, no one reads that shit.
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(Ok, I'll respond one more time, but I'm busy here, so *if* you write
again, I won't write back.)
You may think so, but I get a lot of fan mail from many people who have
a sense of humor and recognize satire, 2 things which *you* obviously
lack. That surprises me too, since I get the feeling you're from the
land of Monty Python and Benny Hill.
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You think that it's funny
taking what I said to you and turning it around?
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Just replying to your comments. I wasn't the first one to write, for
the record. You wrote to *me* and I always reply to my emails, even the
hate mail.
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Shows how big you are(not
at all) and how you can't face up 2 things.
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What 2 things might those be? And you're right, I'm not very big. In
fact, I have a hard time reaching things on high shelves....
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And I hear that you think WWF
has gona shit so why the fuck do you watch it?
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What's "gona shit"? Sounds serious! Could it be from eating too many
"gonas"?
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I just found it so funny how
you can't even say a wrestlers name right DayBra (Debra) Turd Dangle
(Kurt
Angle) Har-har-deez (Hardyz), I think the person that needs the
dictionary
is you and there is no song about my name.
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Yep, just as I suspected. You lack a sense of humor and an
understanding of satire.
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You have not brains and can't find anything better to do than write
about
something that you are clearly not intrested in anymore.
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Speaking of "can't find anything better to do than write about something
that you are clearly not interested in..." why are you writing to me
(twice already) about a column I write that *you* are not interested in?
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Get out and get
some air into that empty head of yours CAN YOU TAKE IT!!!?
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I spend almost as much time OUTdoors as I do INdoors. And speaking of
empty heads, here's another word to look up if you get your hands on a
dictionary: Punctuation.
Regards,
Cenny
And it's been fun, but twice is enough. If you write to me yet again,
it goes from a one-time(or two-time) hate mail to what's called
harassment.
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(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of run-ins and screw-jobs against
Taker, and hoping to rid the rest of the world from "neways" and
"gona-shits"....)