Cenny's FUCKWAD of the Week awards

Written by Cenny:

6/7:

This week's award is presented to...........

PAUL (Big Shmo) WIGHT (is anyone out there surprised by my choice?)for his "chokeslam" that injured Undertaker on the June 7th RAW. Thank you, Paul, for injuring the most talented man in the WWF.(*hissss*) What?  You "didn't mean it?"  The Undertaker possesses 4 thingsthat YOU don't.
1)  He knows how to wrestle
2)  He has excellent mic skills that actually include big words. He doesn't just say "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  By the way, is gaaa a word?
3)  He looks like a "real" man, and not like Shamu
4)  Most women actually ENJOY looking at him
So, "Can't get it right"-Wight.....
I suggest that you leave wrestling, since you really have no businessbeing there in the first place.  Go back to selling used cars or playingthe lead role in the next "Free Willy" movie!   Take your FuckWadOf The Week Award and hit the road! ( A friend in the medical profession told me that smoking a pack ofcigarrettes a day puts the same strain on your heart as being 100 poundsoverweight.  So that means the Big Shmo has at least a 300 pound "strain"on his heart.......)
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of overweight, out-of-shape menwho can't wrestle!)

6/14:

This week's award is presented to.......

Chyna("used to have" a vagina) for "helping" the Undertaker when hewas in the ring with the Rock on the June 14 RAW.  Thank you, Chyna,for grabbing that foot "by mistake." (*hissssss*)
What?  You couldn't tell the difference between that big size17 and an average size 12?
The Undertaker possesses 4 things that YOU don't:
1)  He's got a voice that people actually enjoy hearing
2)  He doesn't lisp (C'mon now....let's hear you say "Stone ColdSteve sucks!")
3)  He's a man who looks like a man (and not a woman who lookslike a man)
4)  His costumes look great on him (unlike yours...can you say"Big Bimbo"?)
So, Chyna, you over-pumped bimbo......
I suggest that you quit trying to be "one of the boys" and go hangout with the other bimbos, uh, women, in the WWF.  And please don'tTALK anymore!  Your whining, lisping voice makes my dog howl. Take your FuckWad Of The Week Award and hit the road!
(While you're at it, go get more plastic surgery on your cheeks. No, not the ones on your face...)
Cenny
(Trying to rid the wrestling world of over-pumped, plastic bimbos)

6/21:

This week's award goes to...
The original "Planes can land on my air-craft carrier head" man. (No, not the Big Shmo again)  The most "disgustifying" entertainer (and yes, I smell what he's cookin'.  Anybody who would wear shirts like that would also wear a half bottle of cheap, stinky cologne too!)
The ROCK!
What?  You didn't mean to interfere in the Undertaker's match with Horrible Hemorhoidal Helmsley on the June 21 RAW?  You were just "caught up in the moment"? (*hisssssss*)
The Undertaker possesses 4 things that YOU don't:
1)  He's got a normal looking head (and a very nice one, at that).  You, on the other hand, give a whole new meaning to the term "flat-top".
2)  He wears quiet colors, like black.  I can't hear you,Rock...Your shirts are TOO LOUD!!!!!
3)  Most women would actually Enjoy looking at HIS chest.  Unlike yours, which gives me nightmares!  (I'd like to thank the wonderful people over at "Mad-Phat Wrestling" for calling attention to your Franken-Titty) 4)  He sweats like a normal person....and not like a fuckin' lawnsprinkler!
Now take your FuckWad of the Week award and hit the road!  Go sell some more Alpo, uh, I mean Ravioli!  While you're at it, find yourself a good plastic surgeon to correct your odd-looking nipples.  The one you went to before was obviously a graduate of the "prestigious" Ken Shamrock School of Body Design.  And quit all that damn spitting before somebody slips on one of your phlegm-puddles and brings yet another lawsuit against the WWF! Cenny
(Hoping to rid the wrestling world of the "real" Jabroni)

6/27:

6/28, RAW:

This week's FuckWad award is presented to Stone Cold Steve Fuckston. 
I have never seen more bitching, whining, and moaning from a grown man who didn't get his own way.  "Wahhhhhh...I wanna Title match!!!  No fair!!!  No fair!!!! Undertaker has the belt AGAIN (only for the 3rd fuckin' time in 10 fuckin' years!)  If I can't be CEO no more, then I wanna be Champion again!!  I wanna!!!  I wanna!!!!  Gimme the belt or I'll have a tantrum!!! Wahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"

I can just see Austin and Undertaker as 8 year olds.....Undertaker was the kid whose Little League team lost the game and he STILL went up to players on the other team, high-fived them, and said "Good game..."  Austin was the kid kicking his glove all over the field, saying "Shit!! We only lost 'cuz THEY cheated!!!" Austin was the whiny little turd that you want to just smack when yousee them talking back to their parents and whining "I don't wanna!!!!" Ewwwwwwww!
Well, I won't do this in the usual way...saying "The Undertaker possesses 4 things that YOU don't"....because those "4 things" would snowball into 40 things, then 400 things, then 4000 things, and I'd be up all night typing this.  There really isn't anything I can say that hasn't already been said.  All I can say is this...This is a SAD fuckin' day for WWF fans,unless you're one of the following:
1)  A 10 year old boy
2)  A grown man with the mental capacities of a 10 year old boy
3)  A woman who makes Nicole Bass look "beautiful"
4)  A person with a 6th grade (or less) education
5)  A person who can't spell any word with more than 3 letters in it
Of course, if you fit into any of the above categories, you wouldn'tbe here reading this.
So....  Is Austin "Hulk fuckin' Hogan"??  Sure seems that way to me!  Where did the pride go, that used to be associated with the Heavyweight belt?  Down the toilet, that's where.  The belt obviously means fuckin' SQUAT when it's constantly given to Austin!  The "greats" from my father's and grandfather's day are spinning in their graves right now.  Hell, for that matter, my father and grandfather are spinning in THEIR graves too!  I can just hear them now...."Whuts become of the sport when eejuts who can't wrestle keep gettin' the belt?"
HA!  For a little while there, intelligent wrestling fans wereactually coming out of the closet, admitting to being fans!  But now, with Austin "hogging" the belt ("squeal lahk a piggy, boy!") those of us with a fuckin brain in our heads are going back into the closet, rather than admit to being wrestling fans and having people think we actually LIKE Austin!  Hey, I got away from wrestling for awhile, due to "Hulkamania"....Now it looks like I'll have to get away from it due to "Ass-hole  (Austin) Mania"!  Well, at least I'll ALWAYS be an Undertaker fan, if nothing else. He's the "thinking man's" wrestler.
Cenny
(Well, at least we didn't have to sit by and watch Austin pour beer all over himself.  At least Undertaker "took care of that"!  Way to be, UT!  You're still OUR champion!)

7/6:

This is getting harder to do, since we've now gone through 2 (count 'em, two) RAWS without an obvious FuckWad recipient!  Yeah, I know, I know, but if I gave it to Stone CLOD every week, it would get too predictable and boring.  I miss the old format where I could hiss and list (easily) 4 ways in which the Undertaker was better than the "winner" of that week's award.  I'm sure I won't have much longer to wait...how could we possibly go through 3 weeks with no real winner?  Somebody is bound to "do him ugly" next week.  (Not to go off on a tangent or anything, but a few years ago I read a book where one of the characters said "Who did you ugly, honey?" I filed it away in my brain along with all the other useless info...)

In case you didn't know, I live in the mountains of Western PA where air conditioners are few and far between.  (But everybody has a snow blower)  One of those "freak weather" things has been going on for a few days here, where it's actually hotter and more humid than in Texas.  So, I'll admit I didn't watch much of last night's show.  I saw the beginning with Austin (Whoever said his head looks like I giant thumb...I couldn't have said it better!) and the ever-present Vince.  Of course, I saw the part with the Undertaker.  The rest of the time, I sat out on the porch, drinking beer and bitching about the heat.  But I had the volume of the tv turned waaaay up, so I could hear when something "good" was happening, and go in to see it.  (And of course "something good" means Undertaker or anybody else who is TALKING about the Undertaker)

Not that I don't LIKE the fact that nobody is fucking up where he's concerned (well, except for Kane maybe)...but I miss the old column and hope to get back to it next week.  Until then, if you have anair conditioner...I hate you!

Cenny

7/12:

This week's award is presented to Jerry ("King" Shit of Turd Mountain) Lawler, for waffling.  You've been against the Undertaker most of this year.  Anytime he fought Austin, you cheered for Austin! 
Now, all of a sudden, you're cheering the Undertaker?  Make up your fuckin' mind, already!  (*hisssss*)

The Undertaker possesses 4 things that YOU don't:
1)  He'd never try to run for Mayor of ANY town
2)  He doesn't scream like a girl
3)  His beard has never been in the shape of a "crown"!
4)  Whatever he wears looks good on him.  Who designed YOURoutfit?  One of the Village People??
So....you screachy voiced waffler...I suggest that you learn how to have an opinion of your own and stick with it!  What kind of a lame-ass Mayor would you be, anyway?
Take your FuckWad of the Week Award and hit the road!  The only thing your opinion never changes over are tits!  As far as your race for Mayor.....Women won't vote for you because you're a jerk; Men won'tvote for you because you look gay; Hell, even your gay son won't vote for you!
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the wrestling world of screachy-voiced announcers who can't make up their mind on anything...unless it's a pair of tits!)

7/19:

Well, I've gone from no recipient to at least 4......

I could give this honor to any of the following:  Chyna; Austin; Vince; or Kane.  Since the first two have already had their day in the sun, I've got 2 other choices, and I proudly present this award to....KANE!
(By the way...did ya know KANE stands for "Krappy Angle: Not Entertaining? Well, now you know....)
What?  You didn't really mean to do that so-called "choke-slam"? *hissssssssss*

The Undertaker possesses 4 things that YOU don't: 1)  He really IS that tall, and doesn't need  lifts on the inside of his shoes and heels on the outside to add a few inches of height. 2)  We all know he's been having injury problems, but even so, his moves are WAAAAAAAAAAAY better than your lame imitations! 3)  His moves are unique to his character and not "copied" like yours are (Whatsamatter?  Couldn't think of anything original??) 4)  I've seen photos of you unmasked and all I can say is...Keepthe fuckin mask on!!! (Or at least keep your mouth closed so we don't have to see those hideous rotten teeth!)
So....Mr "Krappy Angle: Not Entertaining"......take your fuckwad awardand hit the road!
And instead of working on losing weight, why not work on learning some good moves instead?
Cenny (Hoping to rid the wrestling world of "lame imitations"!)

Finally! You realize that with the WWF roster being what it is, I'll NEVER run out of topics!  heeheee

FuckWad of the Month:  July 25 Pay per View (Fully Loaded)

Is ANYONE surprised that Austin won ANOTHER  ppv? (yawn)  The July Pay per View FuckWad of the Month Award goes to:  X-PAC (and what kind of dumb-ass name is "X-Pac", anyway?) for "interferring" in the First Blood match (*hisssssss*)

The Undertaker possesses 4 things that YOU don't:
1) When he was your age (what, 10 years ago?) he looked like a grown man and not like a 7th grade boy!
2) His beard is real...I'm not sure about yours, since you don't look old enough to shave.
3) He wears a "manly" color (black) and not neon-green.  (When you come out, I wish I was a kid again with a black and white tv so I wouldn'thave to squint at that shit-awful color you wear!)
4) He's got Gen-Yoo-Ine wrestling moves, unlike you.  (What the hell IS that thing you do called?  The "bounce your ass on another man's chest" gay-porno-film rip-off??)
Oooooo....a 5th point!!
5) Women LIKE to see Taker tongue.  Yours just makes us sick...
So....X-Lax, uh...X-Crap...(did anybody besides me notice the brownstain on your butt during the May ppv?)  Take your FuckWad of the month Award and bounce on out of here!
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the wrestling world of grown men who look like 12 year olds and call "chest raping" a wrestling move...)  

Go on to page 2