The Fuckwad of the Week Award goes to:
Vince McMahon
Instead of listing 4 ways that Taker is better than Vince (more
like 4,000,000) I'll list 4 reasons why Vince deserves this
award:
1) For cross-plugging (sounds kinky!) Or, for advertising
football on his wrestling show. I don't like football, I don't
understand football, I have no desire to learn about football,
and I don't want to watch football. End of story. People who
watched it and disliked it won't watch it again. People who
watched it and liked it will continue to watch it. So why keep
promoting X-F-L on R-A-W? I don't know which is worse...those
commercials or the "we-got-pop" ones. They're both an excuse to
leave the room or shut my eyes and catch a 3 minute nap.
2) For this awful Trish angle. Seeing either Vince or Trish on
tv is nauseating enough. Seeing them together at the same time
is just too much.
3) For keeping his whiney-voiced, saggy-titted daughter in such
a prominent role on tv. I'm almost twice her age, had 2 babies,
and never used a bottle with either of them. Yes, my chest is
slowly heading South, but not as far South as Steph's. By the
time she hits 40 (next year?) or has a couple of kids, she'll
be tripping over her tits.
4) Lastly, for his condescending attitude. He was quoted as
saying, "I give Joe 6-Pack what he wants to see." Half the
"Joe-6's" don't watch wrestling at all. Half the viewers are
intelligent and well-educated. Ok, so those viewers are *never*
shown on tv, but they do exist. Speaking of "Joe 6-Pack"...when
do you plan to give up your Conway Twitty hair style and those
used-car salesman suits, Vince?
Now take your FuckWad and hit the road. And take JR with you!
JR's weekly verbal fuck-up occured during the Snow/Benoit
match, when he announced, "Looks like Benoit did some damage to
Mick Foley's shoulder." Yeah, I know...Foley and Snow look so
much alike, it's easy to confuse them. (*hissss*)
MiniWads to:
a) Dean Malenko - for serving no purpose, whatsoever. He looks
old, he dresses old, he sounds old....he sucks.
b) Eddie GayrearO - for too many refried beans and
chimmichangas while off work. He's almost as porky as Shane!
(Note: I have no idea what a chimmichanga is but it sounds like
something high in fat)
c) HHH - for being triple-Hindu (Hindi?) I saw his third eye.
It was a little off-center, though.
d) Kurt - for his line, "This is ridiculous." Yes, Kurt, it
*is* ridiculous to see *you* as the champ. Lose the belt,
already!
e) Whoever came up with the dubbed "Engrish" for Kaintai and
decided it would be funny (?) to use dubbed Japanese on Edge &
Chrisitian. It was probably Patterson's idea.
f) Edge & Christian - for interferring in Taker's match. I
expected him to lose, but why E & C? Why not somebody that we
haven't seen every 10 minutes of the last 100 shows?
g) Michael Cole - for being short and annoying. Molly is about
the only one that makes him look tall.
h) Lawler - for removing his shirt during the Kat/ApA segment.
Shirtless Taker=good/Shirtless Lawler=NOT good
i) JR - for his weekly fuck-up. What's next, calling Taker
"Taka"?
By taking a 3-minute snooze during the commercial break, I fell
asleep and woke up after it was all over, so I have no idea
what happened during the last 15 minutes of the show. Let me
guess...
Rock stood on the turnbuckle and smelled the crowd.
Austin stunnered everybody and drank beer in the ring.
HHH stood in the ring, while saggy-steph hid behind his nose.
Angle cried.
(I know it has to be ONE of those...)
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of football commercials...)
FuckWad of the Week Award: February 12, 2001
RAW is DOG
Flicking back and forth between TNN and USA, I got confused and
didn't know if I was watching wrestling or the annual
Westminster Dog Show. Look! There's a chihuahua and a pug...oh,
it's Terri and Benoit. What kind of breed is that? Jesus, it's
hideous....oh, it's just Vince.
This FuckWad of the Week award goes to:
X-Pac and Justin Credible
Yes, I liked ECW and yes, I liked Justin Credible in ECW. I
just don't like him with X-Pac. The two of them together is
waaay too much "ugly" on my tv. (sort of like Vince & Trish or
Saturn & Terri...)
Undertaker possesses 4 things YOU don't (and since I *do* like
most former ECW guys, the first 3 are for X-Pac and comment #4
is for Mr. Credible)
1) After his long absence, I was happy to see Taker return to
tv. I coulda done without the return of Eggs-Pack.
2) Taker returned looking better than ever, while *you*
returned looking scrawnier and grungier than ever. You weigh
over 200 pounds? Riiiight......
3) If Taker's opponent had injured himself and couldn't
continue the match (such as Mankind in the Hell/Cell match), UT
would stand by silently and patiently, waiting to see what
would happen next. He wouldn't grab a mic and start having a
tantrum like *you* did.
4) For Justin: Taker doesn't look like Nosferatu, but *you* do!
Knowing that my readers aren't silent film fans, like me,
Nosferatu was an old silent Dracula film.
Now take your FuckWads and hit the road! Justin can come back,
but not with X-Pac. Lots of people were wondering where his
singapore cane was. Maybe it's X-Pac...he's built like one.
MiniWads to:
a) The participants of the opening 20 minute Yak-fest.
HHH: The "cerebral assassin"? More like the cerebral
hemorrhage.
Steph: Was it just shadows, or does she seriously need to shave
her armpits?
Rock: Where have I seen that shirt before? Oh...it was a
tablecloth at an Indian restaraunt.
Rikishi: He's distantly related to the McMahons. Don't believe
me? Check out his ass....
Austin: Same old finger-flipping, beer-swilling bullshit
b) Eddie FatRearO: another McMahon relative?
c) William ReekGall: for being Vince's "beard" and for
attacking Al Snow
d) Lita: for being constantly assaulted by little ugly men
e) Jeff: for the multicolored hair. It annoys the shit outta
me, and I notice it's starting to thin out (sort of like his
body). When he's bald, will he color the top of his head with
markers?
f) Kane: Notice his shaking hand while he was perched like a
big red vulture on the turnbuckle, preparing for take-off. Most
of it's a poor take-off on Taker. Meanwhile, UT gets better all
the time, calling attention to how lame the big red
copy-machine *really* is.
g) Vince: For his plastic hair. Will it ever change?
h) The One-Billy-Gunn (The Wife-Billy-Knife): for constantly
touching his nose during a match, checking to see if it's still
attached.
i) The idiot with the sign: "RAW is Ravon" Lern to spel, moron!
j) RTC: Especially Steven. That little segment was just too
weird.
k) Big Show: for modeling a fat-woman black swimsuit to the
ring..
l) Angle: For always running away. Wuss.
m) Rock/Rikishi match: Do I need to list any reasons?
n) The commercial for the movie "Monkey Bone." Would anyone
really PAY money to see that?
Cenny
(Hoping that HHH's "stipulation" will be taping JR's mouth shut
so he can't bellow "Stone Cold!!! Stone Cold!!!" at the next
ppv...)
FuckWad of the Week Award: February 19, 2001
If RAW started this way every week, I'd be happy. No boring
yak-fests and starting the show with a Taker match. Could it get
any better than this?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
*New addition to the weekly FuckWads*
JR's Verbal Fuck-Ups (guaranteed at least 2 each week!)
1) JR referred to Matt Hardy several times as "Jeff" Hardy.
2) JR called Chris Jericho "Chris Benoit."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
MiniWads this week to:
a) Edge - for annoying Taker during the first match. Christian &
Edge should change their names to Chang & Eng, since they're
always joined together.
b) Steph - her new make-up and hairstyle made her look more
rat-faced than usual.
c) Malenko - let's see him in the ring with a *real* man (like
Taker) instead of having a match with Lita.
d) Matt - for showing his "true feelings" for Lita. Awww, how
sweet. When will we see Jeff "coming out" and showing his true
feelings for Malenko?
e) X-Pac - for being worthless. Is he a distant relative of the
McMahons? Naaah...his ass is too small.
f) Kat - for this stupid-ass storyline that's just a way to get
Lawler back into the ring for a match.
g) Kane - for wandering out to the parking area *after* the
Dudleys double-teamed Taker. Where was Kane *before* it happened?
Taking a shit?
h) JR - If any man besides Austin attacked Steph, JR's chins
would quiver with indignation. He's be outraged! But no matter
what, if it's Austin, it's o-k.
i) Big Show - for waddling into the Hardcore match. Raven and
PeeWee were doing fine without him.
j) Lawler - His upcoming match at the ppv is a lose/lose
situation. If Richards wins, we'll have to put up with not only
more RTC, but the addition of a brainless bimbo as a new member.
If Lawler wins, the brainless bimbo will strip. Yawn....I guess
that's a *good* thing, if you're a 14 year-old male.
k) HHH - I thought he'd shake the ring apart with all that
twitching and spazzing, due to Austin. I can't blame him. It must
be rough to know you have to job to somebody whose talent is way
below yours. Well, Taker knows what that's like!
Good Stuff:
1) Shirtless Taker
2) Seeing him shove Edge in the face (hope he didn't cut his hand
on those teeth)
3) Jericho's interview ("He hate me")
4) Austin's stunner on Steph. One of the few times I enjoyed
seeing Austin do that lame move....
5) The Hardcore match (without the Big Shmo)
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of announcers that make weekly
mistakes...)
FuckWad of the Week Award: February 26, 2001
No comments about the ppv, since I didn't see it. How ironic:
back when I was getting "free-p-v", the first 30 minutes of the
next night's RAW showed "highlights" from the night before.
Now, we're lucky if they show 30 seconds (of *good* footage).
Seems like all they showed last night was the Battle of the
Bimbi (twice) and WaaaaAngle crying his way up the ramp.
Was anyone surprised that Vince turned on his ho, Trish?
Haven't we learned by now (after seeing it happen at least 10
times), that when Vince and Stephanie are on opposite sides,
they *always* end up joining forces once again. Looks like
Steph won't be leaving our tv screens anytime soon (*hisss*)
JR's Verbal FuckUps:
1) "The big TOE almost beheaded The Rock and Angle..."
2) "Why is Mr McMahon bringing my BBQ sauce to the ring? And
why is he dumping it on Trish?"
ok...so he didn't *really* say that, but he *did* say the first
one!
MiniWads to:
a) Rock: for his "magic eye" shirt.
b) Saturn: for still wearing those tusks and for not even
having his own shirt. Why was he wearing a "Latino heat" shirt?
How hard would it be to design a shirt with 2 plastic eyes
rolling in all directions?
c) Malenko: for talking. I've heard smoother sounding voices on
80+ year old men who smoked non-filtered cigarettes for 65
years!
d) X-Pac: for pinning Ben-Waaah. That's about as believable as
JR pinning Taker. Why is X-Crack back anyway? Who the fuck
missed him?
e) The Godwins: Yes, they made an appearance last night, fat
asses, bucket of swill, and all. Nah, it was just the McMahons.
f) Al Snow's speech: We don't need more midgets, Al! We've
already got the Radicals and Crash Holly.
g) The Taker/Kane pairing: One of them does *all* the work,
while the other one just shambles over at the last minute to
look around, or to do a lame choke-slam. Can't Taker be by
himself??
h) The dubbed English: C'mon, this is getting old already. And
tell me Taka's "girlfriend" is *not* a new addition to the
women's roster.
No, I guess she couldn't be...she looked like she had a normal
sized chest.
i) JR: for asking "What's that mean?" when Raven said the word
"genuflect". Scary when the "Head of Talent relations" is an
idiot!
j) The Ninja Woman: How long will that mask stay on? Until
Tori's latest facial surgery heals?
k) The RTC: for not giving Kat some make-up remover.
l) Kat: for not using water-proof mascara in the first place.
m) The writers: for forgetting to tell us that Tazz is now good
buddies with Lawler and JR.
n) The last match: Too many run-ins. And I'm no doctor, but
take a good look at Shamu. He was gasping for air as he waddled
backstage, and had dark-brown circles under his eyes. Ever
notice how those brown areas only appear after he's exerted
himself for 2 minutes?
Seems like the writers are trying to get sympathy for him from
the viewers. It just might work....IF he falls over dead in the
ring.
o) Austin: What's a RAW without at least a couple of
"stunners"? I'm surprised my tv didn't explode from the 2
over-inflated egos on the screen.
JR marks out, starts bellowing, and the show is over. It's not
like the writers could end it with something new and different
for a change.....
p) When did they stop using Roman numerals for Wrestlemania?
This X-seven shit is really annoying. Why did they ever start
using them in the first place, since after #3, the dimmer fans
would scratch their heads and say "wut's that there mean?? I-V?
Ah don't git it..."
Cenny
(Hoping to rid the Wrestling World of McMahons)
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