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Fuckwad of the Week Award: Final Wad for 2001 Part 2
The phinal PhuhQuad nominations are in (along with a hella funny hate
mail I'll share with you!)
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"In my opinion, there is more than one person that really needs to get
reamed for being such a dick this year. So here are my noms:
1) Vinnie Mac: Let's face it, the reason why 99 percent of the other
people are receiving awards is because this man, no matter who "runs"
the writing department, is making ALL the final decisions. He's the one
who listened to X-Rat's music and said, "Yeah, that Uncle Kracker guy
can play!"; he's the one who said, "Yeah, let's get everyone to kiss my
white wrinkled ass on TV!"; he was the one who lets Stephanie, nay
encourages Stephanie and her brother Shanomanic to blather on and on at
high volume until our ears bleed; he was the one who thought DDP should
be the stalker, and that there should be a stalker angle to begin with;
he's the one who refuses to give Taker a credible opponent and a
credible angle; he's the one who thought Taker should proclaim himself
the biggest asskisser of all time. The list goes on and on and on. But
basically, IT'S AAAAALLLLLLLL VINCE'S FAULT! Can we hear an Amen from
the chorus?
2) DDP, for masterminding his "Positively Putrid" gimmick of
over-shellacking his teeth (gum disease, SURE) and then blinding us all
with his maniacal grin, which reminds one of a dried-apple doll with
wind-up teeth stuffed in its mouth.
3) X-Pac: GET OFF MY TV. NEVER COME BACK. You smell of stale bong water
and your father was a hamster!
4) Billy Gunn, and all those unfortunates who have ever been associated
with him. This is one of the most stupid, overrated wrestlers of all
time. He's got a 5-watt bulb in a 100-watt socket. His new "blond and
gay 80's tag team" is just perfect for him -- in the XWF.
5) And one teeny-tiny, half-hearted award goes to Taker. I don't care
who held the scissors -- IT WAS HIS IDEA TO CUT HIS OWN BEAUTIFUL HAIR
OFF! I admit it! There! I confess! I hate it short! WAAAAAAAA! I want it
long again! Men don't deserve hair, dammit, 'cause they just don't know
what they've got. They just don't appreciate it. I bet Sara was crying
when she cut it. I bet she cut off the braid herself so she could save
it and sleep with it at night while Taker's gone instead of having to
watch some asshole at the barbor shop sweep it up into a *trash can* for
God's sake. WHAT WAS HE THINKING? IT'S HIS FAULT AND I HATE IT!!! But I
still love him so it's just a really small, teeny award that shouldn't
even count in the final scheme of things. His penance: Grow it back!
OK, I'm all better now. :)
Speedy"
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"It's gotta be Sara. She managed to offend male AND female fans alike,
has consistently finished at or near the bottom of every hottie poll on
the net, and even got respected wrestling journalists like Bruce
Mitchell and Jason Powell to diss her looks, talent, AND charisma in
their columns. I don't know about you but I've never seen those guys do
that before. CRZ/Slash Wrestling has already named her Worst Second of
2001. In winning the title, Sara succeeds an entire line of Phuquads
including Harvey Wippleman and Mae Young.
in winning CRZ's Worst Second of 2001, Sara defeated Moppy, which does
seem to mean that voters considered Sara to be a worse supporting
character than a phuking mop.
Need I say more?
Gotta be Sara.
Kalin : )"
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The final totals:
Sara and Vince are tied for First place with 4 votes each.
In Second place, with 3 votes, we have X-Pac.
In third place with 2 votes each we have Booker T and (gasp!) Taker!
The following all have one vote each:
Steph, Shane, Austin, Flare, Big Show, Angle, Lawler, Kane, DDP, Billy
Gunn, and "every woman who can't wrestle" (so that would be every woman
*except* Molly, Lita, Jackie, and uh, I guess that's about it)
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Thank you to everyone who participated. And now, for the funny
hate-mail from fat-ass-braindead-girl@trailerpark.trash aka Queen of the
Feebs (Name and address changed *this time*)
This is the first hate-mail that didn't receive a personal reply from
me. The author of the letter has a reputation as a "stalker" and I
didn't want her to start sending me 10 emails a day. No point in
"encouraging" her to keep writing.(smirk).
(((I nominate You For A Fuc* Wad)))
(Take a look at the title of the e-mail. She's big.she's bad.but she
can't even type the word "fuck" without replacing the "k" with an
asterisk. Maybe her Mommy should change the settings to allow the "30+"
daughter to type without a "bad-word filter." 30+ is her clothing size,
not her age...heh)
(((Being your a fat ugly leisbien go nominate yourself for a Fuckwad.So
come out of the closet and admitt your just pissed cause Taker has Sara
and not you)))
(Don't you just love the cutesy little face? More evidence of her "big
bad" act! I wonder what it would be like to consistently be ranked
*last* in every test ever taken throughout school? Too bad she wasn't
paying attention back in 3rd Grade when the teacher discussed the
difference between "your" and "you're." What exactly is a "leisbien"?
Is that a German lesbian? I guess words like "lesbian" aren't in her
kiddie dictionary. No wonder she couldn't spell it! How about the
word "admit"? I never knew there were 2 t's in it. I wonder if she's
also "full of shitt"? Her logic amazes me. If a woman was a lesbian,
how could she be "pissed cause Taker has Sara and not you"? Wouldn't it
be the other way around? A lesbian probably would've stopped watching
wrestling after Chyna left. The author of this hate-mail has a tendency
to print a picture of Sara's ass with all her posts at a certain board.
Hmmmm...maybe she's a "leisbien"!
I didn't realize I was on WWF programming at some point during the last
year. I wish someone had told me so I could've at least taped myself.
So..how did I look in the ring?
Let's take a closer look at those horrific insults: "fat ugly." If
someone's going to spend time composing a hate mail, they could at least
be original. Well..since she's only capable of spelling 3 and 4 letter
words...I'll admit it: I *did* gain a couple pounds over the holidays
just like most people. I have to almost *struggle* to pull up the
zipper on my jeans. I guess I have to face the truth.size 6 is getting
uncomfortable. I guess it's time to go commit suicide... As far as
"ugly" goes, fatass-braindead girl appears on a regular basis at *both*
http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com and http://www.ugly.com. I guess all
that celebrity stuff has gone to her head. Oh well.it happens.
Since she obviously reads my column (and seems to have lots of spare
time on her pudgy hands), she can search through the FuckWad archives
and find my column that addresses all those lame "your just jellus"
remarks.
Our brilliant and insightful author then goes on to make this profound
statement to me:
(((And I see Sabre's board still down I guess we Sara fans are right the
WWF shut down her board I guess that's what you get when you follow
PSYCHO'S. )))
And I guess this is what happens when I guess people use run-on
sentences and I guess don't use any punctuation right? What a
deduction! The WWF shut down a message board and left the rest of the
site alone, according to our super-sleuth. Too many episodes of "Scooby
Doo", right Velma? Let's talk about "when you follow PSYCHO'S", shall
we? I followed all the "Psycho" movies, but only the original is worth
seeing again. "American Psycho" was an interesting book, but a lousy
movie. You want a recommendation for a *good* psycho movie? Check out
"Ed Gein." I saw it the other night and it was extremely entertaining.
The actor who played Ed was almost as good as "Carl" in "Sling Blade."
Oh, and Velma , Dorothy, or whatever you call yourself these
days.there's no apostrophe in "psychos" the way it was used in your
sentence. Speaking of psychos, who would visit a site they don't even
like, read the columns, then harass the author in a barely literate
format with bizarre deductions thrown in to show how "smart" she is? Any
time a message board that she doesn't like is down, she'll tell people
that *she* (and the WWF) were responsible for "shutting it down cuz they
were saying shit about sara and there just jellus." I'm not sure what
she says when the glitch in the board is fixed and it's once again up
and running.
Awwww.check out the creative signature below. (I think she forgot how
to spell "for" and took the easy way out. How clever!) And how
thoughtful of her to include her site addy too. Well, unlike her, I
*don't* visit sites that wouldn't interest me, so thanks but no thanks,
Dottie. I suppose your pitiful little site is the crowning achievement
of your entire life. Well, go and proofread it. That should keep you
busy for the next month.until your next welfare check comes.
((A Taker Supporter 4Life))
(http://www.fatass-braindead.com/leisbein.html)
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This was sent to be by Shavonne. Even though the 2001 FuckWad of the
Year is officially closed, I wanted to print her comments anyway.
((First, I would like to nominate Vince McHam because he is the reason
that all wrestling fans feel like clawing their own eyes out when they
try to sit through one of his "shows" (and I use that term loosely).
Vince has become a total narcissist and I guess he feels that not one
show can survive unless he or his family is there to bore the hell out
of everyone watching. I have to give Vince one bit of praise though.
It seems that people were always bitching about how Americans watch too
much TV and don't participate in much physical activity. Well, Vince
has put an end to that normality. Just sit any American in from of the
TV while the WWF is on and I guarantee that they will gladly get up and
participate in any sort of physical activity just so that they can get
away from the shitty show that they are looking at. I just wish we
would get Pork-O and Sloth (Shane and Stephanie) to participate in some
activities. But, I guess if your daddy has a fat ass and your mother
has a fat ass, then you will have a doubly fat ass. My next nomination
goes to that ugly, disgusting, bottom feeding trash bag man (No, not the
Big Blow-although......). I am talking about none other than Sara. She
is a curse. Ever since she appeared on TV it has been down heel for
Taker. Ever since he appeared with that man, he has been taken out of
main even status and he is left to take on the likes of Jeff and Matt
Hardy, Tajiri, and Spike Dudley who are a fourth his size. What is
next? Will we see Taker fighting for the women's championship? That is
the day that I stop watching and I will send a threatening letter to
Vince. Sara also deserves the award because she is probably the one
that nagged the Undertaker until he cut his hair. She knew that cutting
his hair would remove his strength like Samson. His hair was part of
his identity and she knew that would be the nail in the coffin.))